NEW from Continental Food Production Co.

You've seen them in Pre-(H)istory media, you've read about them in pre-(H)istory books... introducing...

ARTIFICIAL FOOD PRESERVATIVES! 

Thanks to our hard working magica-food scientists, we've re-created the wonder of long term, shelf stable, ARTIFICIAL food preservatives! No longer do you need to worry about your bread going stale in a few days, our Pre-Sliced bread can stay Factory Fresh in your pantry for upwards of 3 months! Amazing! Always enjoy the delightful taste of any number of our products, with the clear knowledge that they will no longer go bad for an indefinite length of time!

Product warning;

Gut Health may suffer if consumed more than twice daily. Please consult with your doctor before ingesting large quantities of preserved food.