I have a memory of what I first felt upon seeing her. Like a fire had been ignited in my heart, my belly, my brain. A human fighting against demons, and winning.

I found her beautiful, but not in the way I had previously found people to be beautiful. I did not desire her physically, I desired her spiritually.

To have her see me as an equal, to fight at her side... these thoughts consumed me.

I remember those thoughts, those feelings, so clearly.

Now that it is so possible, so close, I am empty.

Perhaps when it happens in truth, I will feel again.

Perhaps when I earn it, I will feel again.

-Confessions of Saint Vau to a High Priest